Our relationships with our parents can be complicated, no matter the stage of life. But when a parent who has always been loving and supportive begins to exhibit verbally abusive behavior, it can be distressing for their loved ones. If this is the situation you are faced with, you are not alone. More than one-third of dementia patients exhibit aggressive behavior, especially those in an advanced stage of their illness. Understanding the root cause of the behavior, as well as how to reduce the triggers that can bring it on, can significantly help a caregiver or family member cope.
Verbal Abuse is a Responsive Behavior
Responsive behaviors are defined as behaviors that have a cause. They are typically the dementia patient’s attempt to react and communicate. Often the trigger of the verbally responsive behavior can be found in one of three categories:
Biological Triggers: Your physician should be able to help rule out or confirm any potential biological triggers causing the verbal response. In some cases, the behavior may be moderated by changing or adjusting the patient’s medication or care plan.
- The senior may be experiencing pain or feel unwell
- The patient may not be able to see or hear as well as they used to, causing misunderstanding and frustration
- The patient may be experiencing hallucinations, causing outbursts due to confusion or fear
- The senior may be experiencing hunger or thirst
- Their environment may feel uncomfortably hot or cold
Social Triggers: Social triggers surrounding the patient may result in confusion or fear, not to mention inappropriate reactions. Although not all situations can be effectively managed or eliminated, recognizing the trigger can help the caregiver to respond with more patience and understanding.
- The setting is unfamiliar or confusing.
- Someone reminds them of their past.
- They are in a large, unfamiliar crowd of people.
- They feel bored or lonely.
- They cannot shake feelings of mistrust, anxiety, or paranoia.
Psychological Triggers: Psychological issues caused by dementia can lead to difficulty communicating, resulting in frustration and misunderstanding. These situations can trigger physical or emotional outbursts, but being prepared can help to mitigate and diffuse the situation.
- They are suffering memory loss.
- They are having difficulty processing information.
- They feel they have lost touch with day-to-day reality.
- They feel pervasive paranoia, fear, or anxiety.
How To Respond to a Verbally Abusive Loved One
We recognize that this is a very difficult situation, and managing your response can be challenging. Still, with practice and over time you should find it easier to respond with patience and love. It is essential to realize that this is not aggression or abuse that they are deliberately aiming at you. It is not personal, even if it seems to be.
- Take a deep breath and consider the perspective of your loved one.
- If you cannot remain calm, walk out of the room.
- Resist showing any anger, fear or alarm. It could escalate their agitation and make the situation worse.
- Speak in a measured tone, and use a reassuring voice while maintaining eye contact.
- Acknowledge their emotions and listen to what they are saying. Try to determine what is causing the behavior.
- Give them space and if possible, remove the trigger.
After an incident or outburst, do not try to punish them for the episode. They may not remember it, and they certainly don’t understand it – so dwelling on it is likely to trigger another outburst. Attempt to be reassuring and continue your day as normally as possible.
You Are Not Alone
Verbally abusive behavior can be very upsetting, but it is important to realize that you do not have to face this alone. Reach out to doctors, therapists, other caregivers, or support groups as you need to – and when the time comes, consider professional care.
A Banyan Residence is committed to compassionate and expert care for seniors in the Venice area.
